Learning how to be more assertive in bed is more about opening yourself up to the excitement as it unfolds. It is about trying new things and being confident in what you already do.
Being sexually assertive is a skill that everyone can learn and practice. It can do wonders if you have a partner who likes the man to be more in control and open to experimenting. Contrary to the way it sounds, being assertive in bed doesn’t mean being aggressive or overbearing. It simply means taking control of your sexual encounter and leading her into exciting realms of pleasure.
Therefore, it is important that you discuss this with your partner so you are sure this is what she wants. As a result, you will find that your relationship, outside of the bedroom, has the potential to be more loving and trusting. So, let’s talk about how to be more assertive in bed with these 6 tips.
#1 Forget Your Insecurities
Whether you are on a one-night stand or in a long-term relationship, you need to forget your insecurities. Insecurities can be anything from not feeling confident in how your body looks to being afraid she may not like what you are trying to accomplish in bed. Therefore, leaving those securities at the door and getting caught up in the moment are the best things you can do for yourself and your partner.
For example, if there are certain sexual positions you’d like to try, don’t be afraid to ask. Be confident in yourself and your partner and speak up. That assertiveness will open a lot of doors in your relationship as well as turning bedroom time into an exciting adventure just waiting for you to discover.
#2 Show Off Before Sex
Here is another great tip to being more assertive in bed and it starts long before you even get there; foreplay. For example, begin the foreplay while you are at a restaurant with your partner. Of course, I don’t mean to start making out right there in front of everyone, but using words and soft touches to get things started.
Again, “showing off” doesn’t mean that you should boast before sex, but simply telling her what you want to do to her, seductively. Whisper in her ear, caress her hand or touch her under the table. Starting verbal foreplay ahead of time, especially in public, lights a fire and creates an urgency that makes your bedroom romps even more exciting.
#3 Confidence is Important
If you want to be assertive, you need to feel more assertive, which takes confidence. If you are a slowpoke guy with no self-expression skills, people will not believe that you are an assertive person. Therefore, it’s important that you practice being more confident in every aspect of your life, from your job to your relationship.
Speak clearly and well and always make eye contact. Be sure and have a firm handshake, smile and stand up straight. Be secure in everything you say and do and pretty soon, you will feel your confidence growing. In turn, this will help you to be more assertive in bed, to speak up and tell your partner what you want and maybe even to make some moves that will surprise and thrill her.
Another way to boost your confidence is by making physical changes. For example, go to the gym, cut out fast food or get a new haircut. Those physical changes make you feel better about yourself, thus, boosting your confidence.
#4 Feedback is a Must
During sex, you can analyze everything as feedback. For instance, when you try something new, your partner will be showing her pleasure or dissatisfaction with her reactions. You need to be aware of her reactions whether she moans or says something, pulls you closer to her or pulls away. All of those things are verbal and physical cues that tell you whether or not what you are doing is working for her.
In addition to during-sex feedbacks, you can ask her while you are just relaxing after sex. It is important to have it at that time as the memory is still fresh. During that afterglow, ask her if it felt good or if she’d like you to do it again. Open communication and feedback are key to a trusting, loving relationship. Plus, it can help you be more confident and assertive in bed.
#5 Be Open to New Experiences
Nowadays, assertiveness can be closely related to being open-minded, especially when it comes to sex. If you shut the doors on new things, your sex life will become monotonous and boring quite easily. To avoid that, you need to be the initiator of new things. Ask about her fantasies, tell her about yours, or get online and shop for sex toys or find and exciting new position to try.
There is no extremeness in bed. Anything is within the limits as long as both parties consent. So, if you want to be assertive in bed, open your mind and imagination to brand-new things, get creative and don’t knock something until you try it! Just be sure your partner is agreeable to everything you’d like to try.
#6 Take Full Control
Again, this does not mean being a little dictator in bed. Be the one that takes initiative. Do not be passive. Come up with new ideas. Wrap your arms around her in the living room, kiss her then carry her into the bedroom. Assertiveness isn’t about being in total control of the person, but being in control of your own sexual desires.
Then, in doing so, your partner will feel more sexually attractive and desired, she will feel wanted. In turn, she will feel more confident as well and who knows, maybe she will be the one to take control and be more assertive. After all, being more assertive in the bedroom can work both ways.
Assert Your Desires
Being more assertive in bed is something that many men and women may struggle with. Accordingly, you may be lacking in self-confidence or are just unsure about how to make those assertive moves. Therefore, it’s important to try the steps above in becoming more confident and assertive. As a result, it could open up more doors in and out of the bedroom while helping you and your partner fulfill the desires, we oftentimes keep to ourselves. So, open up, tell her what you want and show her how you feel. Before you know it, your sex life will be more exciting and adventurous.