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How to be More Aggressive in Bed: 5 Tips for Fulfilling Her Fantasies

Learning how to be more aggressive in bed doesn’t mean you need to be over-the-top, rough or hurtful. Rather, it means learning how to take more control of the sexual situation in order to please your partner in a way that they find exciting.

There are several ways to make your woman happy in bed. Some women like it rough, some like it soft. Some like dirty talk while others prefer complete silence. As couples get to know one another more, women become more open about their fantasies and confess certain ways they may wanted to be treated in the bedroom. So, what happens when she says she wants you to be more aggressive in bed?

First, don’t take it personally! I’m sure this has nothing to do with your performance and more to do with what she desires in a sexual scenario. Second, be specific and ask her what she wants. Does she want you to give her bottom a swat, wrap her hair around your hand or maybe hold her wrists down during intercourse? It’s important to know exactly what she wants so you don’t cross that line.

Finally, be prepared. If your partner is wanting something more hardcore, for instance BDSM, don’t do anything you aren’t comfortable with. Then, research and find a happy medium where you will be comfortable and she will be satisfied. Want more tips on how to be more aggressive in bed? Read on….


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#1 Don’t Be Shy!

Don't be shy in bed while sex
Being shy won’t get her wet

So, you are sharing a bed with someone you love or just a one-night stand and you feel awkward about what you are going to do. Just remember, as long as you talked this out beforehand and you know where that line is drawn, there is no reason to be shy or feel awkward.  So, take a deep breath and just do it.

For example, if she wants you to talk dirty to her, pick up a racy romance novel and learn things to say. If she wants you to spank her during sex, start softly, at first and just let her be the guide. The point is, you may feel a bit awkward, at first, but trust me, once she begins to show you how aroused she is, you’ll get lost in the moment and won’t think twice about things.

#2 Don’t Hesitate, Do It

How to be aggressive during sex
Show her how much you are into her, don’t wait

Hesitation is the ultimate enemy of being aggressive. I can understand that it is not everyone’s cup of tea but any hesitation could turn your partner off or make her believe you’re not into her. Again, this is where talking things over with your partner comes into play. You know what she wants, you know it will excite her. Therefore, don’t hesitate! Just jump in there with both feet…. And maybe a feather, or a paddle or a set of silky tie-downs.

#3 Use Your Penis to be More Aggressive

Make her happy with your penis

Using your penis to be more aggressive may not sound too inviting, however, when it comes to being a little more aggressive during intercourse, your penis can play a huge role in fulfilling her fantasies. For example, if she is passionately crying out, “Harder!”, by all means, bang her as hard and as feverishly as your body will allow. Plus, use your hands to help matters along. Grab her around the waist and pull her into you so thrusts are harder. Most importantly, listen for her verbal cues and get creative with positions.

#4 Command Her

Aggressive sex
Dominate her if that’s what she wants

If your partner states that she likes domination, you can do it with your words, not only actions. For instance; if you want to change positions, do not simply push her but tell her what she needs to do. This way, you will tell her who the boss is and she will get even more excited.

Additionally, you can tell her to say or do simple things during penetration. Tell her to talk dirty or ask if she likes it and tell her to say it louder. Any type of verbal command is useful for being aggressive in bed and you can take advantage of them by simply allowing the sexual scenario to flow. 

#5 Limits and Safe Words

How to be aggressive in bed
Always remember the limit

This is a tactic most BDSM-lovers use and it works in controlling the sexual scenario so it doesn’t cross a line. As the sex gets a little more aggressive, she may shout “Oh my God.” Or “Enough.” However, this may not mean that she wants to stop, rather, it’s just her way of being verbal and moving the scenario along. This is why it is important to use safe words.

Safe words can be anything of your mutual choosing. But, it’s important for the words to be different from what you may ordinarily say during passionate sex. For example, the words yes, no, stop, harder, softer and even curse words are typical sex conversation. However, words like peacock, California or vanilla yogurt are unusual enough to get you to stop what you’re doing.

And remember, using a safe word means to completely, totally and permanently STOP what you are doing, no matter where you are during the sexual act. Complying with safe words are the ultimate in intimacy and trust and extremely important when you are being more aggressive in bed.

Be Aggressive, with Her Permission

Being more aggressive in bed is something you should be doing only with her permission and by her suggestion. Otherwise, aggressive sexual behavior will not only hurt your partner but, in many cases, is considered a crime. Therefore, it is crucial that she takes the lead and you only be aggressive if and when she wants you to do so. However, if being more aggressive in bed is something that you want, you must talk it over with your partner first. That way, you are giving her the utmost in respect, love and trust. And those 3 things are some of the sexiest things you can give a woman.

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