People tend to associate dominance with male figures, while women are linked to submissiveness in the bedroom. This couldn’t be farther from the truth: Both sexes can enjoy these roles equally, and it’s up to everyone to decide what works best for them.
In this article, we’ll discuss a specific sort of BDSM: Gentle femdom. Read on if you want to know more about this fascinating kink.
Table of Contents
What is gentle BDSM?
It’s best to begin from the ground up when explaining this concept. Before we discuss gender, we need to explain this specific subtype of BDSM.
It’s easy to understand why BDSM is more commonly linked with pain and humiliation, and not a soft, nurturing touch. That’s a common misconception. BDSM stands for Bondage, Domination, Sadism, and Masochism. It’s not necessary for kinks to tick all those boxes to be part of this lifestyle.
So you could simply be into bondage and restraints, not enjoying causing or experiencing pain. In the case of gentle BDSM, only the D in the acronym is used, though bondage could also be a part of such activities.
Even though this is the most common case, pain can indeed be included as long as it’s introduced in a gentler, softer way, and only applied when necessary.
What about femdom?
Femdom stands for female domination. In this subgenre of BDSM, the woman holds the power and searches for a submissive, usually one of the opposite sex. That being said, there are femdoms that prefer same-sex relationships.
It’s common to associate this sort of relationship dynamics with humiliation and degradation: femdoms are usually depicted as leather-wearing vixens, who yell at trembling men to get on their knees only to punish them harshly.
Sure, there are doms who enjoy this sort of control, but the gentle femdom goes in the opposite direction.
It’s important to note that when we refer to the dominant in this kink, we’re talking about anyone who identifies as a woman. It doesn’t matter the sex they were born with, but the fact that they recognize themselves as female dominants rather than male ones.
She enjoys playing a nurturing, sweet role, while remaining strict and making sure her rules are obeyed. This can go hand-in-hand with the MDLB or MDLG kink. These stand for Mommy Dom, Little Boy or Little girl kink.
It’s important to note that these kinks are in no way linked with actual underage people, but it’s just a role play that explores the concept of caretaking.
Submissives that search for a gentle femdom want a woman who’s assertive and confident, and that will set ground rules for him to follow, but won’t be harsh when it comes to implementing them. They want to feel taken care of, protected and cherished, while also submitting in a way usually expected from the ‘weaker sex’.
It’s common for men who have high-stress jobs to resort to these kinds of relationships in order to have an outlet to their day-to-day responsibilities. Outside their home, they are in charge, but inside the bedroom, they can relinquish control completely.
It’s all about emotions
When it comes to gentle femdom, emotions and empathy are key elements. It’s a stark juxtaposition with the concepts more usually associated with dominance. Male-centric and cold or emotionally-detached dominance is most often viewed as the norm when it comes to BDSM.
In this case, the dominant not only identifies as a woman but also has a tender approach to their role.
Degradation, emasculation, and harsh pain are off the picture, and submissives are expected to unconditionally adore their domme, at least during the duration of the session. Commands are not barked but rather whispered, and caresses are more common than any sort of rougher touch, if there is any at all.
The idea is for the submissive to feel nurtured, protected, and safe, and words of encouragement are not only common but an intrinsic part of the game. Meanwhile, the sub tends to glorify their domme, dazzled by their beauty and confidence.
How to be a good domme
Communication, more so than in more traditional BDSM roles, is fundamental when it comes to femdom. There are needs the sub wants to be fulfilled and the domme should pay special care to them.
Acceptable sorts of dominance include blindfolding their submissive, light bondage, and words of encouragement. Calling them some term of endearments such as ‘good boy’ or ‘sweet man’ can go a long way.
Teasing and orgasm denial are also common practices when it comes to gentle femdom, pushing the submissive’s buttons in a loving manner. Whispering is preferred over speaking out loud and certainly over screaming, and orders should sound more like firm suggestions than harsh commands.
Femdom tends to include some sort of body worship, with the submissive lavishing their caretaker with attention and pleasure. The domme’s body is a prize the sub gets to touch, not something they have the right to enjoy.
This subtype of BDSM lends itself to chores and reversed traditional roles. The man could be expected to cook, clean, and take care of the house, taking over activities usually associated with femininity.
How to punish a sub?
Though a gentle domme is meant to be kind rather than enjoy bringing pain to their submissive, that doesn’t mean transgressions don’t deserve a punishment.
Light spanking can be a good option, but it might not be the first alternative selected by this kind of domme. A far more common punishment is to deny the sub the right to touch or worship the domme’s body, which is seen as the ultimate reward.
Other possibilities include silent treatment, extra chores, and mild name-calling. No insults required, but a well-placed ‘you’ve been a bad boy’ can be incredibly effective when letting a sub know they’ve displeased their domme.
How to reward a sub?
This is when a gentle domme really shines. When it comes to rewards, no other sort of dominant can beat her.
There are plenty of ways to show a submissive they’ve been good and followed the rules. Allowing them to stroke or lick their dominant’s body can be a great motivation for them to continue down a certain path. Some dommes prefer to have their submissives lick their feet or hands exclusively, as a reminder of their roles in the relationship.
Gentle caresses, and permission to orgasm or to rest are also great ideas, as well as plenty of tender praises. Submissives that search for gentle dommes get incredibly excited when called a good boy or a similar term of endearment. That should be the go-to reward for any such domme, and then extra perks can be added on top of it.
Allowing your submissive to buy gifts for the domme might sound like a punishment to those not into the lifestyle, but it might also be a great way to reward positive attitudes. This kind of subs enjoy showering their dommes with sweet gestures and praises, and being allowed to do so can be greatly satisfying. As usual, the vital concept in this sort of relationship is consent. As long as everyone is on board and no one is being taken advantage of, there are no pre-set rules to follow.
